R.I.P. My Treadmill

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2 pounds away AGAIN!
Alas, my treadmill died after 20 minutes this morning. It is the switch - I think it flat-out shorted out, so I will have to see if I can get MyPoolBoy to replace it (with more wattage probably, too) Anywhooooo - I am still on the sucker reading email, blogging, and walking in place (I am NOT going to let this stop me from losing the weight I've got going so far!)

Had a break-through with one of the girls in my class during reading tutorials yesterday while we were checking the release tests - she realized that she did not answer one of the questions - she also found an answer she would have gotten correct if she had paid closer attention. She was upset. Good. She and another little girl then started asking about their math release results because I had taken them both in the hall when they finished (first 2 done!) and chewed them out -- they wanted to know if they had really done badly since they finished fast. Lo and behold! The worst 2 scores in the class! I was happy to report that to them (just to teach them a lesson). I think it may have really sunk in. I just have one more flibbertygibbit that is fixin' to have her momma called and will probably get majorly grounded and that'll straighten her up. Then all I have to deal with is the ADD boy....but he is being tested for SpEd...

Ok, so now I gotta hit the showers.

You try blogging when you've got cramps!

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2 pounds to go.
Cramping like a sumbi+ch - I'm not gonna put much in here today.

Got a new phone today (MyPoolBoy can't seem to stop spending money when we don't have it). At least it is pink -- got all the numbers changed over, just no ringtones yet.

Started the Book

I got started on my TAKS book this weekend. It actually just came together as a finalized idea in my head and I have a starting point and a path to be on -- it shouldn't take too long to complete either, so maybe this summer I can start marketing and publishing!

So, I was up to nearly my starting weight yesterday before church -- but my fingers were swollen with water bloat so I guess it is PMS week. Another cool thing about going to church yesterday -- MyPoolBoy actually let me tithe $100 - what a leap of faith for him cuz he can't seem to turn loose of money! Anyway we figured up the 5, 10, 15, 20, 50 budget and he understood my theory/plan and said he was going to trust God to make it work.

I'll have to post a picture of me on my birthday (last Friday) at R-Bar in my white trash princess kit regalia. MonsterInLaw took a picture of me standing by the date at the register (you know, the one they use if they're carding someone). Had quite a few free Princesses - I lost count, but I was slipping notes on napkins under the bathroom door to total strangers - it was a hoot!

Ok, Rick is through singing for now, so I better go hop in the shower and get ready for school!

3 Minutes B-Day In my PJ's

Not much time cuz (3 minutes) I gotta leave early to go to Wally WOrld and get some cupcakes for my class for my birthday. I decided we needed some cuz there won't be another b-day in my class until March!

Cheated again and got on the scale - down 2 1/2 pounds in my PJs!

MyPoolBoy and Lurch just left to take Lurch to the bus for a soccer tourney.

OK, time to hit the showers, Rick....I have to leave you for now.

The 4 Week Deal

I think I have figured out why the Bob Greene diet wants you to wait 4 weeks before getting on the scale. I imagine it has something to do with not seeing a plateau and getting discouraged, but instead seeing dramatic results after a long period. With that said - I was down 3 pounds this morning. I am a cheater I admit but except for this sinus coughing pneumonia crap that I have I am feeling great. I slept a little late this morning so I am going to have to rush the housework but I feel in control enough of school and the house that I can still get on the treadmill with Rick for 30 solid minutes (cuz I'm blogging and checking email at the same time!).

First day of tutoring is out of the way;. I am glad mine are all close to passing the reading TAKS (61 was my lowest benchmark score) -- it's the math I'm dreading!

OK - going to send an ecard to my cousin and I'm hitting the shower!

The FreakShow Continues & I Cheated

Ok it is not as much of a freak show as last week, but we started with the girl who sang through her nose and then went on a little later to the horse girl (poor thing, is there an orthodontist in the house?) - who was continue the theme of "I can't understand you" until we got to the guy named Sundance with a weird-a$$ beard and a scary amount of hair on his chest! And the gentleman who wanted to sing his original, tender, emotional song for his girlfriend WTF? I am now 15 IQ points dumber for having listened to that! I wonder if the second half is going to be any better?

Well, no, it doesn't -- it's Harry Potter with a beard!

Oh CRAP! There is more of this woman than I want to see! Girl those boobs should have been checked at the door with the other weapons!

Look - Jesus is going to Hollywood!

Ok, true confession time - I cheated this morning and got on the scale after I did my ab workout - I was down 1 1/2 pounds. Not great, but it is something!

The God Warrior is Back!

...and she's met her match! The husband of the new family is a certified whack job. Everything out of his mouth is a black vs. white thing.

So far the funniest thing I ever friggin heard in my life is his description of doing #2: "I straight up disrespect the toilet when I go in there!" (One of the BannedCampers sez maybe that's cuz the toilet is white and he thinks it is opressing him ---- ok, that's mean!) and then the God Warrior proceeds to wretch and gag like she did last time with her fake puking.

Lawrd - she just told him that she would enjoy being a black person for a day because she would kick back and enjoy some hip hop and gizzards! Oh h3ll woman!

Chunk is watching it with me and he wanted to know why God Warrior's 24-year-old daughter is still living at home -- well a little bit later I found out why. The daughter gets up and tells new mom that they are having a brunch with God Warrior's friends and that "we" need to make a salad and some shrimp pasta. So new mom goes and starts cutting up stuff for a salad and the little sister was making tea. And the older daughter is shown laying her lazy a$$ in the bed with a towel on her head from the shower. Then it cuts to her doing her make-up and she shows up right as the friends get there and the food hits the table.

Enter the bi+ches. Last time they tore the poor woman apart with their inquisition -- yeah, very church-like, girls. They got that look on their faces when new mom said that she didn't know any black people that voted for Bush. And they went down the welfare road, too!

Final note - New Dad is still having a rant and God Warrior told him she wasn't going to listen to him as long as he was raising his voice to her. Now I gotta wait till next week to see how it ends....

Blah Blah Blah

Ok this is just a mindless brain-dump post. I'm on the treadmill (going on 30 minutes now) because I got my laptop hooked up to wireless and my battery charged (thanks to my mom for the wireless Christmas present!). ANyway, Ricky and I are walking to SDAA and I got up 15 minutes earlier to try to squeeze in 30 minutes of walking instead of 15 (as per Bob Greene), so I am walking while I read email, too. So I will keep this short - gotta go get in the shower and try to get dressed and salvage my lesson plans for this week that was interrupted by weather!

American FreakShow

Do the people on American Idol not have a momma standing at the doorway going - no way honey, you just cannot go try out? Obviously not. In fact I think the Seattle software guy (27 yrs old) from near the Salt Lake City area - no wait do-over - IN the Salt Lake City area (whatever, nutcase) probably DOES still live with his momma. Taylor Hicks WannaBe the hairdresser was excruciating enough.

Well, my first reaction to the crowd pan that they did of the audition group was "the freaks come out at night." Then I realized this had happened during the daytime, so I figure that a short bus (or at least a tour bus from Arkansas) broke down in front of the audition hall and the occupants got lost in the crowd, handed a number, and shoved on stage. Shallow gene pool is the only explanation for some of these folks!

Then there was Simon's "Bush Baby" - I laughed to tears on that one! Plus his friend thang a thong for Thimon....next, please! Last but not least we met "Red" who dazzled us with his brilliance (and single front tooth) over how he got his nickname and how he has to tell people it's because he has red hair - NO! Are you lying? I'd have never guessed! Thank goodness you brought that to my attention! Bohemian Rhapsody? Is that what that was? Freddy Mercury is doing 360s in his grave - carry on, carry on.

Don't know my weight today. Gonna hold off until February -- ackkk it's killing me! Did 30 minutes on the treadmill yesterday and 15 minutes of yoga/stretching this morning. We have a 2 hour late start this morning, so I'm using the extra time to get some school stuff caught up (conference packets/honor roll, lesson plans - which are pretty much a bust for this week- ha!) and getting my routine back on track.

Day 3 of the Great Snow-In '07

Wait - some of this $hi+ from the sky is ice? Why didn't someone tell me before? Where the h3ll is my martini shaker - can't waste this!

Ok Banned Camp quote of the day (re: American Idol contestant):
"Brenna is so bad my nipples inverted in fright."

WTF?

And I am going to go on the treadmill or bike for 30 minutes this morning. I am gonna try this stuff the Bob Greene way - and it is killing me not to get on the scale until Valentine's!
Gawd I have cramps, too!

I told MyPoolBoy about the idea about the budget.
(5% tithe
10% savings
15% Misc
20% Groceries/Meals
50% Mortgage & Utilities)
He was actually receptive to it and didn't even get pissy. He may be a man after all...Or maybe he has finally learned that I am smarter than he is BWAAAHAHAHAHA!

May I have your attention, please!

We interrupt this blog to bring you a random moment of droolage:

Ok, stuck at home for yet another day - watching Pirates with the boy/men-folk....Oh yes I'd love to watch it with you drool drool drool

Homebound

No inservice today cuz of the weather. Gotta get papers graded and online and get stuff ready for the conferences tomorrow. Right now I'm just hanging out in bed with sinus pressure and feeling tired.
On Oprah right now -
Bob Greene Diet
3 questions:
Why are you overweight? Stress makes me eat and too tired to exercise
Why do you want to lose weight? Too look better - let's face it, I'm vain
Why have you failed before? Lost it once but got stressed - mostly because of work and some because of MyPoolBoy

Foods to avoid
No sodas - this one woman lost 30 pounds just by not drinking soda!
No trans fats
No fried foods
No white bread
No regular pasta - Barrilla whole grain has omegas added in according to Bob Greene
No High Fat Dairy products - 1% or 2% is ok

He's also got a lot of stuff with General Mills that is on his "plan" hmmmm....he also says he's used SlimFast Optima. That's how I lost a few years ago. Yoplait Light, Green Giant frozen veggies, Cheerios. He also recommends taking vitamins (which I have gotten out of the habit of doing!)

My Living Will (of sorts)

If I come to the end of my life and am hooked to machines and it is determined that my liver is still donatable - keep me plugged in and pour a martini into the IV bag until it isn't.

Almond Joy Martini

One of the Flakes/Lucilles told me about this
Almond Joy Martini

Swirl or shake 1 oz. each of coconut-flavored rum (Parrot Bay or Malibu), Frangelico, Godiva or other chocolate-flavored liqueur, Hershey's chocolate syrup, and vodka. Add 4 oz. half and half or light cream, shake with ice, then strain into a chilled glass. Garnish with shredded coconut.

http://www.slashfood.com/2006/06/28/almond-joy-martini/

One martini is ok, two is too many, three is not enough!

Sock Monkeys from the Inner Circles of Crazy

http://novogate.com/board/5148/index.php

Go here. I dare you. The folks on this site were described on BannedCamp as "direct descendants from the inner circles of crazy" and they ain't kiddin. I sweartogod you think I'M weird? These folks have actually made RULES on their message board that you cannot have a human avatar, and you have to assume the persona of the sock monkey you represent when you post. Read ONE thread - I dare you. Don't we have laws about these people being dangers to themselves or others? I can't make this $hi+ up.

Antfarm

First of all, I am craving something chicken fried, and I would really like to eat about 1/2 of a chocolate cake just off the platter with a fork and no plate right now -- I am starving and I don't know why.

Alrighty, so. I was thinking a little over the past couple of days about the proximity of our campus to the central office since we are on the same plot of land and I know exactly what it is akin to...an effing antfarm. They sit over in the Big House and come look and stare and ogle every so often to make sure all their little workers are still diggin away deeper and deeper purely for their amusement.

Oh, and I met my goal weight for this week -- 5 more weeks to go!

Also - MyPoolBoy and I watched "Family Stone" tonight and I got inspired by a few pretty funny one-liners: "She needed another broom," "he ran away and joined a better circus - one with fewer clowns," and "girl, you've got a freak flag, you just ain't wavin' it"

And caca- I discovered a wrinkle across my forehead that I never noticed before, but since MyPoolBoy and I cut my hair before new years eve, I have been wearing my now-longer bangs brushed to the side and I can actually SEE my forehead. Man, I'm gonna have to really do some serious moisturizing now!

I think I need to find all the groovy martini flavor recipes that I can - one of the Lucilles told me that she and her sister had one called an Almond Joy martini somewhere over the holiday and that it had swirls of brown & white in it and tasted really yum! Add that to my gingerbread martini recipe and I've got a bit of a start. Ok that's it I'm starting a new label category just for martini recipes!

Storage

Ok, so I guess this blog is turning into storage for all the insane stuff I find written on message boards.


Getting old is so hard at times.

Yesterday I got Preparation 'H' mixed up with Poli-Grip.

NOW, I talk like an a$$hole .. . but my gums don't itch!

Here's another:
This is a den of iniquity ... and I am the Den Mother!

Fat. Again. Seriously.

Back up to the starting weight! - I knew this would happen. Gonna get back on the slimfast routine like I did 5 years ago and exercise WILL happen. I'm miserable.

Ok, now here are some signature quotes that I found over on Banned Camp that completely cracked me up.

It's not rocket surgery.

Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have.

Men date thin girls because they're too weak to argue and salads are cheap.

If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

Inside me lies a skinny woman crying to get out - but I can usually shut her up with cookies.

You know, sometimes I get the urge to just jump up and run around naked, but then I just drink some Windex.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

It's not the drinking, but the getting naked and passing out that gets you in trouble.

Play like your couch is on fire.

Men are like linoleum floors - lay one right and you can walk all over it for years.

I want it all - and I want it delivered by cute naked men!

Oh - and I think I am going to go back and change all my references to RalphKramden to hereby be MyPoolBoy. I've softened a little since he and I had a big knock-down drag-out a couple of days ago.

And btw I cut my hair right before New Year's and it is so much easier. I left the bangs long and cut it to about that same length. And on New Year's Eve I discovered it was "party hair" meaning that I can flip it around dancing or being my typical drunk WTP self and just run my fingers through it and come up with the same style again! Also treated myself to some new makeup and tossed some old stuff that wasn't quite right - simplify simplify simplify.

Still need to put up Christmas decorations before I go back to work tomorrow (ugh).

So this one time at Banned Camp...

So, I've been spending a LOT of time over on this message board of Ex-Taters (gang that was apparently kicked off of the SPQ MBOL some time back). Anyhoo -- they are cracking my A$$ up on a minute-by-minute basis and I am addicted and I have decided to win the lottery and never go to work again because of the $hi+ they say on there!

One quote that I love in the signatures is something to the effect of "some people are like slinkies: they are pretty worthless, but they are good for a laugh if you push them down a flight of stairs!"

LMAO