You Know What's Funny?

Drop cheese whiz in the middle of a fat dog's back. 

My Response to Some of Y'all's Facebook Secrets Answers

Here are the "secret questions" that various folks have answered about me on some Facebook application that will probably cause us all to get hacked and crash our computers with viruses.

I have decided to respond to each one because some of y'all don't get me AT ALL.
 

Is WTl's profile picture cute?	Yes	At the moment it is the picture of me in my BMW with a tiara.  Of course it's cute.
Do you think that WTP puts 'hoes' before 'bros'?	Yes	not alphabetically
Do you think that WTP can eat more than 3 Big Macs at a time?	No	Do I get fries with that?
Do you think that WTP is cute?	No Yes	Obviously this answer was accidentally clicked - I fixed it.
Can WTP hold their liquor?	Yes	Are you freakin' kidding me?  After a certain point in the evening I can't even hold it with my hands! BTW - who else's liquor am I holding? -- "their liquor"
Do you think that WTP has ever played strip poker?	No	no comment
Do you think that WTP would turn you in to the FBI if they asked?	No	Whatever it is, I was probably involved, too, so this answer has to be no.
Do you think that WTP grinds their teeth while sleeping?	No	Again with the their.  I envision me with a mortar and pestle and and evil laugh while the teeth of some dude named Edgar and his cousin Berenice fall out of a box.  (obscure Poe reference - it made me laugh)
Does WTP have a nice smile?	Yes	Which is proof I don't grind my own teeth.
Do you think that WTP has ever pranked call someone?	Yes	Maybe if they added "recently" to that.  Nope.  Nevermind. I have.
Do you think that WTP would sell you out for $100k?	No	I don't know who answered this, but they obviously don't know how many bottles of vodka $100k would buy.
Do you think that WTP is a good friend?	Yes	This was probably answered by the same person who thinks I wouldn't sell them out for $100k.
Do you think that WTP will do anything to get what they want?	No	I usually get what I want anyway.  I've never had to test this premise.
Do you think that WTP spends more than an hour on facebook everyday?	No	I don't even spend that much time on my hair.
Do you think that WTP can keep a secret?	Yes	Yes.  Like I secretly think whoever took these quizzes is an idiot, but I don't tell anyone.
Do you think that WTPl has ever fantasized about you?	No	Obviously, this was not answered by Rick Springfield.
Do you think that WTP has ever taken money for a bribe?	Yes	Yeah. $100k. To sell you out.
Do you think that WTP brushes their teeth regularly?	Yes	Even at school.
Do you think that WTP has ever failed a class?	No	Secret: sleep with the professor.
Do you think that WTPl is funny?	Yes	That's why you're here, isn't it
Do you think that WTP has ever mooned someone?	Yes	Was that YOU?????
Do you think that WTP scored above 1500 on the SATs?	Yes	Actually, no - but pretty dayum close.  That was the OLD scaled score, too!
Do you think that WTP has ever gone hunting?	Yes	I'll take you.  We'll hunt for snipe.  That's what they use when they're training snipers, you know.
Do you think that WTP wants to 'come out of the closet'?	No	My shoes are in there.
Do you think that WTP has a good work ethic?	Yes	hahahahahahahaha!
Do you think WTP is cute?	Yes	Thank you, MyPoolBoy!
Do you think that WTP can eat more than 3 Big Macs at a time?	No	Who's been around me during PMS week?  Not this person.
Do you think that WTP is annoying?	No	Someone who has never been around me when I'm drunk.
Do you think that WTP is tone deaf but doesn't know it?	Yes	Well, NOW I do!
Do you think that WTP has ever used steroids?	No	That's right...  My  once-a-month moodiness is in no way related to roid rage.
Do you think that WTP is a sore loser?	Yes	Especially at strip poker.
Do you think that WTPl sings Britney Spears aloud when no one is around?	Yes	And when other people are around.
Do you think that WTP is an underachiever?	No	Seriously?  If you knew my IQ, this would be a resounding Yes.
Do you think that WTP is a scrub?	No	Nor WILL I scrub.  My house is filthy.
Have you ever had a crush on WTP?	No	Because MyPoolBoy would pummel you.
Do you think that WTP thinks wine in a box is classy?	No	I KNOW that it is not classy.  You can't drink it if it is still IN the box! That's why I pour it into a Mason jar to drink it.
Do you think that WTP is socially awkward?	No	I'm pretty much happy anywhere.
Do you think that WTP is annoying?	Yes	Actually, I know that Lurch answered this one.  It showed me his profile pic. You're grounded.
Do you think that WTP is cute?	Yes	Thank you, Felix.
Do you think that WTP thinks shopping at Wal-Mart is classy?	Yes	EVERYTHING is classy if you wear rhinestones while you do it.
Do you think that WTP could shoot someone if they had to?	Yes	Or even if I didn't have to. I might shoot someone for the h3ll of it.
Do you think that WTP can run a mile without stopping?	No	WRONG.  Which is why when I chase you down to shoot you, I will catch you.
Do you think that WTP has ever lied to you?	No	You're right.  I've never lied to you.
Do you think that WTP cried while watching the Titanic	No	Cried from LAUGHTER!
Do you think your first impression of WTP was right?	Yes	So that impression must have been fun, witty, outgoing, lovable - right?
Do you think that WTP has soft hands?	Yes	Because I don't do any work.
Do you think that WTP has ever kissed a guy?	Yes	A guy? HAHAHAHAHA!
Do you think that WTP has good credit?	Yes	If I had good credit, do you think I would be taking $100k bribes to turn people in to the FBI in order to buy vodka?