Yup, over half - and the picture has a tiara, too!

You Are 51% Bitchy

Generally, you're an average woman, with average moods. But sometimes... well, watch out! Sometimes, you let your mean side get the better of you. And you enjoy every minute of it.

How Bitchy Are You?

Rabbit Terrorism and the Ultimate Password

Ok, we were out sitting by the chiminera Sunday and Donnycat was being a complete a$$hole to the rabbit...he was climbing in the tree behind the hutch and then jumping down onto the roof of the hutch and looking down in the cage to see if the rabbit was looking. He did it about 4-5 times so I don't think it was accidental.

Last night the Simpsons inspired me with the ULTIMATE PASSWORD: "LetMeInYouIdiot"

Working on getting Christmas stuff done - we are having dinner and presents with Thunderduck and MyPoolBoys's mother on the 21st because Thunderduck has to go back to work on the 22nd. All I have left are 3 gifts for my sister, sister-in-law, and mom plus a gift certificate for my brother's family to Chuck E Cheese or something; get a few more stamps and mail the last of the cards, mail the package to my mother and brother, wrap teacher gifts, bake (dough is already made in fridge!), and cook the dinner (turkey is at least thawing in the fridge).

I have been putting off and putting off making fruitcake this year and I finally figured out that it was because it was my grandmother's thing every year. I laid out all the stuff for it this morning -- I'll probably drink and get it done this afternoon or tonight.

Chirstmas Party

Don't let a drunk woman get near the name tags and the Sharpies.

Smooth Criminal

So, I got on Rum&Monkey and messed around with the widget for which evil criminal in history I would be (Rum&Monkey - blog about crap, pollute the internet HAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
And I am deliriously happy to find that I am the lord of all evil criminals pretty much!


Which Evil Criminal are You?
A Rum and Monkey crime.

Back to Fitday

I decided to get back to tracking my calories and stuff on FitDay.Com because when I did it 3-4 years ago, I actually lost like 20 pounds and was down to a size 6-8. I think I have to have it in front of my face -- I also need to step up what exercise I am doing -- some is better than none, but I'm not burning enough calories, I don't guess. Still at the same weight this a.m. and it is pissing me off because I have FAITHFULLY worked out for 2 weeks (I even worked out the morning that I was sick and only missed the 2 days after that when I was sleeping stuck in bed). I've almost totally cut out my Dr. Pepper (like 1-2 per week) and am using a lot of restraint when it comes to snacks/sweets. So, the body clutter menu mailer worked for a few weeks but I've hit a wall and I need to really look at how to limit my calorie intake so that the weight will start dropping again.

A MySpace Surprise

RICK SPRINGFIELD ADDED ME!
RICK SPRINGFIELD ADDED ME!
RICK SPRINGFIELD ADDED ME!

Yahoo Avatar & tequila

I found out how to post my yahoo avatar onto my blog. It is so funny cuz I had to go to the Wedding section to find a tiara and the Gay & Lesbian section to find the feather boa... further confirming the identification as a female drag queen. It comletely grossed out Lurch.
I don't mind...I've had 3 SPQ margaritas tonight and Rick is blasting loud enough that MyPoolBoy came and shut my door.

God I love tequila.

My Nursery Rhyme

There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.



Oh H3LL yes! Work it sister! I think that in light of my affinity for tiaras and feather boas and my recent identification with Killer Queen that I may have to resolve within myself to be what the SPQ calls "a female drag queen."

There are worse things I could do...

I hear that Stockard Channing song from "Grease" when I think this phrase, but here's my thought for the day. I have this plaque given to me at the PeytonPlace High School soccer team's awards banquet last year (along with a gift certificate to R Bar - do they know me or what?). Anyway, the plaque says "PeytonPlace Packmules Loudest Fan" - which I think is not the worst thing to be -- I could be "the Loudest person in the Library" or the "Loudest person at Church" That would suck. No. I think it's fine to be a loud fan. Anyway, I got to thinking about it because we had a parent meeting last night and the coach said something about all the other parents being hard pressed to out cheer me!

Oh, and you know my LOW student who was moving? Guess who showed up for the benchmark yesterday and made a whopping 33?

Anyway, there it is -- as I sit here listening to my latest new theme song: "Killer Queen" by Queen. It cracks me up.

Is it PMS week?

Up again - I knew the loss was just a stomach virus fluke!

TAKS reading benchmarks today - UGH! But I am hopeful since my lowest (supposed to have failed 2nd grade) student supposedly moved Friday (no official word, but she wasn't here yesterday) - anyway without her, all my kids have a shot at actually PASSING the release test. I am freakishly relaxed about it.

Ok, gotta go and get ready to work out.

No vodka involved

MyPoolBoy and Lurch and I were sitting watching the game prior to Chunk's on Saturday and I noticed that one group of the little cheerleaders sadly had 2 moms out on the track WITH them doing the cheers along with them. Now as I watched, the girls didn't NEED them to watch for cues or anything so I said the first thing that popped in my head. I leaned to MyPoolBoy and Lurch and said "check out Verna Heath and Wanda Holloway out there" We had to explain it to Lurch but MyPoolBoy made the comment that I didn't even have vodka involved to spew forth from them mouth that time!

Oh well.... it was good for a laugh.

bwi

Blogging while intoxicated.

Friday night - big county-wide rivalry football game going on down the street. MyPoolBoy is having to help work the game. I'm having appletinis and trying to decide if I want to get off my a$$ and do the house cleaning that I slept too late to do this a.m.

OH I almost forgot -- My weight was down THIS AFTERNOON! I am eating right even after the bout with the stomach bug and not being able to work out Tue & Wed. I think I'm not drinking enough water, though...it has been a crazy week trying to catch up with everything. Ok, anyway.

Thunderduck called us last night and said he was in class and was about to talk to his professor to get to leave because TrainWreck sliced his finger open with a knife while washing dishes because their dishwasher is SMOKING. ok - I don't want to know WHAT they did to the dishwasher....
So.
Thunderduck gets back to the dorm (walking because his keys were locked in VickyValencourt's dorm room upstairs) and there is apparently a lot of blood in the water. TrainWreck has it wrapped up and Thunderduck wants to know what emergency clinic they can go to with the insurance card because he lost the list. I told him to call his Granny and ask her what would be the closest/cheapest one and we would handle whatever the cost was after the billing. I asked him how bad it was, did it need stitches, etc. and he put TrainWreck on the phone and he tells me that he cut it pretty deep and he thinks he needs stitches. In the meantime, their Granny got there and she looked at it and got on the phone and said, well, you'd think he'd cut his d1ck off the way he is carrying on. She proceeds to tell me that the cut is on the TOP of his finger, it is less than an inch long and it is not to the bone, nor has it cut any veins or arteries or anything. I told him to go to the on-campus clinic today and get a tetanus shot (because the freakin' genius has LOST his shot record). Ok, so now here is where it turned to typical "why can't I have normal kids" conversation. The REAL thing that was upsetting TrainWreck was that he was worried about losing too much blood (because the warm water made the finger bleed more PLUS the water dispersed the blood so much it LOOKED like he had lost a lot of blood). ANYWAY the fear was that his new "career path" is no longer pimping himself out to the psych department because the $30 was too few and far between -- oh, no it is far more lucrative to donate blood every week for $50 the first time and $30 a week after that. He even got his Social Security card replaced because the friend who referred him was going to get $10 for the referral and he really needed TrainWreck to go down there but since TrainWreck had lost his SS card, hmmmm...... what to do? The guy DROVE TrainWreck to the SS office so he could get a replacement card. AND APPARENTLY he has big plans for Spring Break now, too because there is a sperm bank in Dallas that pays $500 for each "deposit" Oh heavenly days. No wonder I have gray hair.

Ok, and then last night at Chunk's football practice I overhear this woman talking to another woman about being in a pet store looking at some dog and that she was able to talk to the guy about getting FINANCING FOR THE FRIGGIN' DOG and her friend was nodding and playing the home version of the game right along with her! Do you know how many rednecks there are in PeytonPlace? Apparently 2 more than I last counted.

164 Won't last long

Had a stomach bug Monday and actually came home from school and spent the day in bed. MyPoolBoy got it yesterday and I was still wiped out so I slept kinda late and didn't blog yesterday or this morning. Anyway - I lost enough fluids that my weight went down. I posted it, even though I know it won't stay there as soon as I start eating solid foods again (today), but it was fun to see a lower number again!

IF

.

JM this morning was talking about people saying "if only" is really the inability to step out of their comfort zones into faith and try to do something about their situation on their own. SOOOO I came up with my own IF acronym:

IF = "In faith or in fear?"

Have to go to school today and do EVERYTHING! Gag. don't ask - I'm so pissed at admin I can't see straight. They decided that "select" parents are able to see their child's grades now, and of course the super is one of the "select" so I found out at 3:55 on Friday that my grades will need to be entered by 5pm every Monday -- APPARENTLY, though, the parents were approached and have known about this for about a week. I love how much courtesy there is in that fact alone - ok the parents can be notified a week in advance, but the teachers don't know until Friday AFTER school is out - guess what, teachers? Stay late or come up this weekend - we know you'll do it, you're suckers and we have you right where we want you. Fat chance of one of us coming up here on a weekend but we don't give a shi+. I saw on the PeytonPlace chatboard that it would probably be a good idea to solve the need for more classrooms by putting the admin into portables and letting the students have THEIR space. HILARIOUS!

MyPoolBoy's room is cleaned AND painted and he has his desk and weight bench in there now. I set up all his school assignments onto a calendar and started adding it to his Yahoo calendar for him yesterday. (Got about 2 weeks of it entered) He still needs some posters or something on the walls, but he about decided not to do Native American stuff in there once he got the weight bench moved in! It really opened up our bedroom and I moved the chili pepper tree over to the wall where his desk used to be. Now we need to move some pictures over to where the tree was because it looks really bare over there!

Ok, gotta go.

Heading back down

. and I've lost a little

I have worked out every day this week! AND I had chocolate cake 2 nights this week and pie one night (mostly due to pms/stress eating). But I wore size 10 pants twice this week and they weren't tight at all - not bad for a ./pms week! Rick is really keeping me moving!

School is pretty much stressing me out because they have decided to have us do fluency testing on all kids under 114 wcpm -- Ok that is 17 out of 18 of my kids - the ONE child who is considered "fluent" by those standards is one that I am going to have tested for GT! Not even the superintendent's daughter (who is a very good reader) is meets the standard. Ok, well not only do they want it done, but they want it done every 6 weeks - and seeing as how they told us Wed. and the 6 weeks ends today, I don't guess I will be in compliance and I don't really give a rat's @$$. THEN yesterday, we get this email saying that beginning in January we will be expected to have our grades entered by 5 pm every Monday! H3LL I spend enough time up there on the weekends and 2 days a week tutoring not to mention all the other crap they have piled on us this year. Here is one more thing. I am probably going to go to our prince today and ask him to tell them to take something off of our plate before adding another thing.

Lurch's birthday was last night. He also had a football game - I sat in the pressbox with MyPoolBoy and mouthed off in between announcers calls. At least I entertained THEM! Anyway, at the end of the game they announced the final score and then told him happy birthday over the PA. He thought it was cool. AND the little turkey went and tried out for the HS production of Oklahoma (he said he didn't make it to the actual auditions, but he just walked into the choir director's office and sang something and got a part).

MyPoolBoy got the extra room totally cleaned out and has patched holes in the wall and started painting! He also discovered why Lurch and Chunk's toilet was stopped up -- are you ready for this?
ONE OF THEM DROPPED A CELL PHONE DOWN IT! Neither one will admit whose it is or how it got there, but MyPoolBoy had to take the whole toilet off the floor to go in from underneath to get it out!

Ok, going to find Tylenol - I have killer cramps.

"Very good advice"

I keep thinking of the Disney version of Alice in Wonderland where she sings this song ("...but I very seldom follow it.")

ANyway Joyce Meyere this morning had my tidbit for the week -
If you worry you let the devil in, if you pray you let God in.

That's what I needed to hear this morning.

Happy Halloween - Crap, this is funny

I should make apple martinis a yearly tradition. I have had MORE fun tonight! First of all, if you don't live in PeytonPlace, you cannot even begin to fathom the magnitude of trick-or-treating on our street. Everyone uses us as Freeload Freeway on Halloween night. Ok, so here's the deal. Everyone in the town and for about 3 neighboring communities around comes down our street to trick or treat. We have an MHMR house around the corner and THEY come every year, too. It is so bad that a few years ago the police put up barricades at either end and don't let anyone but residents drive down it on Halloween night. One year a little girl had a seizure and they couldn't get the ambulance down to her. SO, anyway here are all these people (not just kids) and every year it is a stupid amount of money spent on candy that you can only afford to give each kid ONE PIECE of the cheapest, crappiest candy that you can get on sale with a coupon at Walmart. One year we had 840 kids - I counted!

OK. SO.

Anyway, tonight MyPoolBoy and I started passing stuff out about 5:45 and then he went to go get Lurch from football practice, while Chunk set off trick or treating. I had to put WeaselDog and the DonnyCat inside because Weasel was having a shi+fit and Donny was going to attack a Ninja Turtle, I think. Well, by golly when MyPoolBoy got home he started freely pouring apple martinis into a glass for me (I think I had 4). Ok, so anyway I was giving out 4 -5 - 8- 12 pieces of candy at a time to the kids. I pretty much have had it after 15 years. I just don't have the spirit for it any more (we've been "put upon" by TOO MANY PEOPLE for TOO MANY YEARS - go to your own damn neighborhood/town!). Ok, so there I am 1 or 2 martinis into the wind and this not-so- little boy in a Longhorn jersey comes up and says trick or treat /Go UT. I said "you picked the wrong house to say that at, buddy and just for that you're only getting ONE piece of candy!" and I gave him ONE PIECE OF CANDY! Then laughed hysterically about it when MyPoolBoy came back out with my refill. So anyway we were out of candy by 6:58 pm! A new record! I turned out the light and came in and finished my drink and began drunk dialing Thunderduck and Felix about what I did to the poor little UT idiot. I also mentioned to Thunderduck that I ran out of candy before the MHMRs showed up this year. He appreciated that like no one else possibly could.

We also ordered a pizza delivered just out of meanness. I can't wait to see those poor S.O.B.'s try to get down this street!

Yep. This was a good one!

Oh - and MyPoolBoy got the trailer moved to a storage facility today! Woo Hoo! A step ABOVE white trash!

Rabid Skunk

There was a report that they found a rabid skunk in PompousPasturePond, a country club community here in Peyton Place. I find this hard to believe for 2 reasons:
1) I am sure that rabies and/or skunks are against their strict ordinances, and
2) How did the skunk get past the gate without a visitor's pass for his car?

Lou Dobbs tonight

I am laying here half-way watching Lou Dobbs on CNN in an interview with this woman from LULAC. I will not beat around the bush when I admit that LULAC pisses me the hell off anyway because they try to turn everything into a race issue. This ignorant woman is arguing that we should not call illegal aliens "aliens" because they are not from outer space -- ok, the word alien didn't mean outer space until the 1940s or 50s, so she needs to go buy a dictionary to keep herself from looking like a fool. Then she goes on to argue that the immigrants that are here illegally pay into Social Security and they will never see a dime of it -- ok, lady, neither will Texas teachers who worked outside of education at any point in their lives -- Lou got her though because he asked her how she got her figures and she said that X number of - get this - UNDOCUMENTED ALIENS have paid into social security and paid taxes. REALLY? If they are undocumented then how do you have proof (I'm guessing if they were undocumented, then they WOULDN'T pay into any federal or state tax/fund so that they couldn't be caught.)

Not Scary

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

That's why MyPoolBoy walks all over me.