This is so very wrong.....

tampon flute

White Trash Riviera

Our little burg hosts these drag boat races on the lake every year - one of MyPoolBoy's musical friends was singing "Whiter Shade of Red" to describe the various and assorted necks that entered the evening's chosen establishment. He also noted that those who shelled out the $15 or $20 or so to get a tank top to wear for the evening could have saved their money. Buddy, even we don't need that bigguva clue to figure out that you crawled in from the direction of the river....

An update

What I want to be when I grow up:

A hag for a Drag Queen -- think of it: no romantic hassles and you can SHARE SHOES!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

http://austin.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/369039155.html

I have a new hero.

This Stinks!

You Were a Skunk

You carry yourself with sensuality and a flowing energy. You have a great reputation, and you follow your own (good) advice.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Romance

MyPoolBoy thinks he can seduce me by singing "Time to get naked" to the tune of "Ride of the Valkyries"

Here's a tip: Just cuz it is classical music does not automatically constitute romance -- there is a bit of finesse to the delivery, ya know?

Beans AND Noodles!

So I go junk-storing (drunk-whoring) with QueenB AND my mother because I just don't know of a more redneck way to start this story! (I kept calling QueenB BarbaraJean like on Reba!)

I am in line with my carefully-selected second-hand items (junk) behind this guy who is attempting to purchase 2 white ceramic canisters. He begins to bargain with the girl at the register who replies with a Mary Jo Buttafuco hare-lip speech impediment that he has difficulty understanding. Just shoot me now.

CanisterMan: Aren't there supposed to be 3 of these in a set?
MaryJo: I don't know let me ask thomeone --- (yelling off to the guy strolling through "housewares") ' Hey Mike....are there thupposed to be 3 of these jars in a thet?'
Mike: (who has as many teeth as there are canisters in a set) There's always jest been 2 of 'em up on this shelf here
CanisterMan: I don't want to pay full price for 2 of them - there are supposed to be 3 of these jars in a set
MaryJo: I can cut down the prithe for you...let me thee--- they are $9.95 -- that is about $10 and divide that by 3....ummmmm that would be $3 and 10 minuth 3 -- you can have em for $6
CanisterMan: (either baffled by the mathematical confusion himself, or taking a bargain when he can get one) ok, I'll take 'em.....what would you use these for????
MaryJo: well, I gueth you could put your beans in them ... or noodles... I dunno what elthe....Do you want me to thack these up?
CanisterMan: Yes, and could I leave right here on the counter till I get through lookin' around?

Hang fire people -- do you know how much self-control I exhibited during this whole exchange? I for one, am GLAD that the 3rd canister was missing - because apparently she was out of ways to fill them up...beans AND noodles? Pretty much would be the end of my universe, too.