Note to self

Stick more pins in voodoo doll of counselor. (my class is stacked full of kids that are SpEd, E.D., or technically failed last year)

Can't. Stop. Laughing.

DrunkenFelix and I phoned each other all night cuz she was down the street at a friend's house drinking beer and handing out candy. I was drinking cosmos out of my new travel coffee mug and handing out my requisite 840 Tootsie rolls 1 at a time until I got tipsy enough to want to go in and I started handing out handfuls. In by 8.

Did my yearly call to Domino's for dinner cuz I find humor in the meanest situations.

Also called Felix dying laughing cuz 3 little boys got into a wrestling match/fist fight on my lawn in front of my chair - wailing on each other on account of one of 'ems bag of candy getting dropped and picked up and "he took my candy that fell out" -- mom screaming at them -- I'm trying not to laugh until they are out of earshot and I can call Felix. HI.LAR.I.OUS.

I have learned to love Halloween again. Just add vodka.

An Open Letter

To all the girls who potentially want to date one of my sons:

Here is a little advice on how to impress me....

I am basically a shallow person. I want decent-looking grandchildren. If your gene pool cannot produce decent-looking offspring don't even hit on them. I refuse to have ugly grand-chillruns photos in my wallet.

Furthermore, just to prove that I am basically a shallow person, I will probably scrutinize the clothing you wear. If what you wear proves beyond a doubt that Halloween is in fact your favorite holiday (year round, no matter what) move your goth-a$$ self on to your next "victim." Also, if your momma didn't check what you were wearing (or not wearing) when you walked out the door and you look like my son might have paid a couple of hours wages to bring you home to me, keep walking!

One more thing: I will NOT tolerate anyone being prettier than me.

Dream a Little Dream

Ok you armchair Freuds - interpret this:
I dreamed that the counselor and Felix bring a student to my door (a transfer from Felix's room). He is to be in my class, but I notice that he has a stick-on type tattoo on the back of his hand, so I tell him that I can get some suntan oil from my purse and help him take it off so he will be in compliance with the dress code. In the meantime, my other students are in the room doing something in groups from the overhead projector. I retrieve the suntan oil and return to them in the hall and begin to work on the tattoo on the boy's hand. As it comes off I notice he has ANOTHER one underneath. It is a Batman tattoo and I remark to him that my dad would really like it -- well he tells me it is really a sticker and he will peel it off and give it to me. So he carefully begins peeling it off. And my other students start showing up 1 group at a time with chili cheese nachos and I go off on them and yell at them for using all the chips because those were going to be the snack on FreeDay Friday. That's when the GrudgeMatch happened and I woke up.

Felix had a WAY worse dream than that.

School is really getting to us.

I should drink more.