Double Cross

How did I manage to find the church that has the biggest bucket o' crazy that Mullet County has to offer? If you remember a couple of weeks ago, the MusicMan "called me out" about my music/hymn opinions in front of the congregation during the service. After a couple of weeks of cooling-off period (I think I understand handgun laws a little more, now) and some soul-searching, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, suck it up and put on my big girl panties and go back to church to let it all go. Forgive and forget and all that.

Fast forward to yesterday - Easter Sunday. Easter was always a big deal since I was little with the whole new dress thing and all thanks to my grandma, so I was excited. What better day to make my comeback appearance? It would give me a chance to wear my new Lilly Pulitzer bargain dress. I probably should note here that I am usually the ONLY one who ever wears a dress to church. The rest all wear pants or jeans. Which makes what transpired even all the more insane.

And then Deuce and I decided that we should wear hats to church. We set out shopping for her and Heathen an Easter bonnet (I already had plans to wear my straw boater with a pink ribbon). Once we had that done, I felt a little better about going back. I had a bit of tossing and turning with the anticipation of what I would say to MusicMan, but I felt like it was time for me to deal with it. So. We go to church and MusicMan is not there. I relaxed a bit - and let my guard down - like a FOOL.

All was going well, I was glad to be back. Believe it or not, y'all I actually LIKE church - or at least I used to. About 15 minutes before the service was over, Deuce took Heathen and Snotface outside, and Heathen left her little hat in the pew. (This is important for later)

We were literally 10 minutes from it all being over and me escaping an entire church service unscathed and thus restoring my faith in the ability to attend a house of worship without being slammed in front of everyone. And then it happened again. This time by the preacher. He went into his Easter message and as he started to wind down and wrap it up, he talked about remembering the true meaning of Easter, it's not all baskets and eggs... Then he went on about how his kids never had the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus because they wanted them to know the TRUTH, etc. etc. etc. He said "you ladies look very nice in your hats but you should not be following the ways of the world and celebrating with your Easter bonnets either." Yes. Dissing me in front of everyone - over a hat.

At that moment I will have to say that I was extremely proud of my reaction. I didn't sit there all lady-like and nod sheepishly, and I didn't swallow hard and remove my hat to appease him. Somewhere in the course of the past few weeks, I got ballsy and bitchy enough that I didn't care WHERE I was, I was going to really stand up for myself. It was one of those dramatic moments like in a movie, you know, what you always later WISH you had done but were too chicken-shi+ to do or didn't think of doing at the time. I shot MyPoolBoy a "I-can't-believe-this-just-happened-AGAIN" look, snapped my Bible shut, stood up, walked to the aisle, picked up the hat that Heathen left in her pew, and WALKED OUT OF CHURCH!

I guess I'm going to h3ll, people. Over hats.