How to Tell You Are Too Old for Vegas

Top Ten Ways to Tell You Are Too Old for Vegas

10.  You have a stack of ones ready -- to tip valets and bellhops, not for strippers. 
9.  You say "no thanks" to the guy handing out strip-club flyers because you have PTSD - Petrifed and Terrified of Spouse Disorder.
8.  By the 2nd day you have ditched efforts to look stylish on the  Strip and have opted for comfortable shoes.
7.  The TSA airport id checker on the trip home double-takes because you look "tired" compared to your id photo.
6. You can afford the maximum insurance on your rental car.
5.  You are leaving your room for your morning coffee at the same time the folks in the next room are stumbling IN.
4.  You avoid certain areas of the casino because they are "too loud."
3.  You avoid other areas of the casino because they are too far from the restroom. 
2. You order cosmos because you know you need the cranberry juice. 

And the number 1 way to tell that you are too old for Vegas:.  You meet someone on the shuttle from the airport whose 25th birthday is the exact date of your 25th wedding anniverary!