Granted, he bought me a pulpit that I turned into a bar thereby securing my spot in H3ll, he built me a beach in the backyard, and he got me a piece of crap convertible BMW that I subsequently painted pink and covered with glitter, rendering it hopelessly undrivable by any male of the species. But still, a girls has wants and needs....
Of course, he always tries to deflect the little thoughts I get in my head about purchasing something new with the dreaded question: "What the h3ll would you do with a XYZ.?" (Where XYZ is the latest pretty that my heart fancies -- did you see how I made that all algebraic and sh1t?).
First. A small steamroller that I saw at a pawn shop.. So it was a USED steamroller. Plus it was a SMALL steamroller. Like, kid-sized. Which meant it couldn't have been very expensive. I got "the question." I offered the answer that I could use it for playing the home version of the game "pave the roads and sh1t." I was promptly told NO.
Also. I would like to have a cannon. Not even a BIG cannon, mind you. And, again with "the question." Honestly I couldn't come up with a quick snappy comeback and sheepishly shrugged my shoulders and offered up that I just think it would be cool to be able to say that I am the first person on my block to have a cannon in the yard. I won't even put glitter on it or anything! His reply: "You'll put your eye out, kid!"
He is NO FUN.
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