I Swear to Dog

Weasel will NOT quit licking/chewing on her legs.

I'm gonna take her down to Colonel Sanders and get them breaded and deep-fried so that she can go ahead and finish them off.

Unmentionables

So here is one more thing that MyPoolBoy did to suck up for the "gravity" comment - I dragged him to the lingerie department of a store here in town and we got pretty close to being kicked out. It was just TOO funny some of the crap we found. I laughed so hard I cried and couldn't breathe.

1) Size 3X thong (DAYUM!)
2) Size 2 thong (the "why bother" panties)
3) Camouflage teddy (for "dear" hunting, or if your trailer doubles as a deer blind)
4) Bright orange thong (so that you don't get shot wearing the camouflage teddy)
5) Bunny costume (complete with a big tail sewn onto the back of the panties and fur sewn onto the front)
6) The best: a CLEARANCE RACK! The fact that a clearance rack even EXISTED sent me right over the edge. Why just be a slu+ when you can be a CHEAP slu+?!?!?!?!

Take Your Foot Out of Your Mouth

So that you can apologize!

MyPoolBoy has testosterone poisoning that has made him permanently stupid. The latest proof? We're watching Rock Of Love (shut up - that shi+ is funnier than Comedy Central) and Heather from season 1 comes on in a vampy plunging neckline dress.

MyPoolBoy says: "What kind of bra would you need so that we could get you a dress like that?"
I respond: "I don't think you wear a bra with a dress like that, dear, I'd probably have to get implants like hers to make it look like that."
And he replies: "Well, I guess when you get older gravity starts to move things down, huh?"

I know.

And yet he lives. Let this be Exhibit A that I am a very patient, forgiving person. I even refrained from inquiring why gravity wasn't pulling anything down on him. I'm a bi+ch, but I can be a filtered bi+ch.

In retribution he has paid for it by buying me new clothes and taking me to lunch. I also pulled up a plastic surgeon's website and looked at before & after breast implant surgeries. I decided he needs to shut up. I look better than some of the AFTER pictures - and I am 40 years old.

Pop Video

This is quite possibly one of the most disturbing videos I've ever seen on YouTube - you have been warned.

can't. breathe. laughing. too. hard.

omgfunny! Amy Winehouse???? Do not attempt to consume a beverage while watching this - it WILL end up spewed onto your computer screen!

Election 2008

"Vote for me" is about all I can understand!

But she's wearing a BLUE DRESS! BWAHAHAHAHA!

For the girls...

T-shirt ideas for us at the coast - at least for Felix and Baloney!



Also think I'll get Felix a set of pink and black plastic cups and superglue rhinestones to it - and some pink and black ping pong balls to make her a complete set for her birthday!

Finally

A new Tarnnia with Granny!



"Six mutha *effin* raisins"
Classic Granny.

I Am On the Bobsled...

to Hell

Because I think this is HILARIOUS!

You Think YOUR Life is Crappy?

This is a big ol' box of effed up

Fox News: Woman in Bathroom for TWO YEARS

The officer's name is WHIPPLE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Banned Camp is all a-buzz:
"Where did the boyfriend go potty?"
"What did he say when people asked how his girlfriend was?"
"Did she have anything to read in there?"
"That took commitment"
and the best one -
"A tightrope walker is crossing between two high rise buildings in New York and five hundred miles away a guy is getting a blowjob from a woman stuck on a toilet seat for two year, BUT they're thinking the EXACT SAME THING........... don't look down."

Ok - so I thought this out too much cuz I want to know why she stayed there ALL the time - did he never go anywhere either?

Did this start as a race to the can and he was NOT going to get to use his own toilet as long as she could help it? Was it a battle of wills? (certainly not one of wits)

I can only surmise that he had to have NO job and she couldn't get up without him getting back in there.

Otherwise, I would get up as soon as he left for work and then run back in there when I heard the truck pull up in the drive...

She did this ALL wrong...

I Drink. You Can't Judge Me.

Chunk was in the shower one evening and I kept hearing all this banging around in there - knocking into the shower walls / slipping sounds.

I fearfully asked him what all the noise was and he admitted to me that he had Weasel (our little chihuahua-sized dog) in there with him. He kept banging around cuz she kept trying to get out and he was slipping trying to keep her in there.

Chunk thought she needed a bath and he just put her in there with him to kill two birds with one stone.

Of course, this is the same child that I asked how often he used shampoo in his hair and he replied "every time I shower" and I (with trepidation) asked how often THAT was and he said "at least once a ... week"

Another Reason Why I Love Felix

Girl is out with flu/pneumonia/crud. I called and left a voicemail in my best Cool Runnings voice: "Felix, are you dead, mon?"

She called and left me a congested shaky voicemail in return that said: "Hey, it's me, I'm in Vegas and winning lots of money with my new best friend *DrunkerThanMe* so... SORRY - Guess I'll see you when I get back."

I swear even on our Craftmatic Adjustable Beds we'll still harass each other.