Monday, June 30, 2014

Snack Attack

DonnyCat just jumped up on the bed while MyPoolBoy and I were finishing off some pineapple and powdered sugar.  This in itself was not highly unusual since he is a moocher and takes it upon himself to get a taste of just about anything that I am cooking, serving, or eating.

So plop!  He's on the bed. Thud thud thud.  Lumbers across the bed because although I affectionately refer to him as my baby kitten,  the larda$$ weighs 17 1/2 pounds, and let's face it,  there is nothing dainty or delicate or even cat-like about a 17 1/2 pound cat's footsteps across a pillow-top mattress.  

Sniff one was of the bowl containing the powdered sugar.  He glared at me like I had set out a trap or poison of some sort. 

Moving along....

Sniff two was of the pineapple.   This elicited  a surprised look as of perhaps it WAS a trap or poison that I, myself should not have, either.  

He proceeded to deftly maneuver past the bowl and plate on MyPoolBoy's side. Because, at this point he had determined that this inedible crap in the snack bowls was somehow MyPoolBoy's error in judgment. Or that perhaps MyPoolBoy had set the trap for ME to eat the poisonous not-a-real-snack. 

So here he stands, his attention alternating from the plates, to My PoolBoy.  And then, the next response was him looking at me. I'll narrate (I often do for DonnyCat because his English is a little hard for common folks to understand sometimes) :  "Dude, what is THAT?  That's not a snack!" 
"Momma, did you EAT that?  Are you ok?"  

Then he proceeded up to put his face right in my face (I surmise to smell my breath to see if I had been drinking and perhaps that is why I fell for "the trap" ).

Thursday, June 26, 2014


MyPoolBoy texted me the other day that a local convenience store was going out of business and had what was left of their wine on sale.  "How much 'on sale' are we talking?"  I asked.
"$4 a bottle. How many do you want me to get?" 
Silly many ARE there? 

So. Don't judge.  This Ho-ficially makes me a cheap drunk! There's  something to be said about the beauty of cheap $4-a-bottle convenience store clearance rack wine.

1) $4 a bottle - it won't hurt your feelings too bad if you spill some or if you have to toss some out because a fly gets in it and drowns to death in what I can only imagine is the happiest of deaths. 

2) After  the first 2 glasses you don't even notice that it is convenience store clearance rack wine anymore.  After the 3rd glass you won't notice the dead fly, either.  

3) Fabulous easy-open screw-top lid that doesn't leave those pesky pieces of cork floating around in the bottom so that, because you are determined to drink every infinitessimal drop of that sh1t, your last glass won't cause you to hack like a tomcat yakking up a hair ball thereby initiating a gag reflex that could cause you to hurl intimating  to your fellow party-goers that you cannot hold your likker, which we all know is NOT TRUE.  

4). If you do, in fact, hurl up ,some of this beautifully cheap wine later in the evening, you won't feel too much remorse, because Hey!  It was only $4!