Sunday, June 28, 2009

Ghetto Lovin' -- Summer Nights Grease Parody

I'm not getting the house clean...

Crack Pipe (Rehab Parody)

I'm finding all kinds of crap on YouTube today!

Surgery Song

For QueenB, on the occasion of her hysterectomy:

At first I was afraid - I was petrified.
Thought I could never live without my womb inside.
But I spent so many nights thinking this period's too long
and I felt wrong
I thought they can yank it out with tongs

So now I'm back... from surgery
and I no longer have to send my husband to the store for me
I should've done this long ago if I'd known how it would be -
I feel so damned relieved to have this hysterectomy

Oh yes it's why .... I will survive.
I won't have any PMS -- my kids will stay alive.
I've got all my life to play
Don't need no Tampax in the way
And I'll survive
I will survive

Thursday, June 18, 2009


"Good Morning Starshine" by Oliver makes absolutely no effin' sense whatsoever.
Maybe if I was a little less inebriated, I would "get it"

Or more inebriated - it WAS the 60s -- Dr. Seuss was smoking the truffula trees or something.

that diddy gloop gloopy part is completely messin' with my head - what the h3ll is that???

Doing my part to keep the public informed of potential earworms.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Go Cougars!

On top of the fact that I was planning on making a t-shirt for the coast that said Go Cougars on it, I found this little gem of a game on a BannedCamper's blog: Cougar Bingo

The photos are priceless and her story about throwing up in front of the teeny boppers is HILARIOUS.

Unholy Smell Part 2: Cougars on Parade!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

True Love

We're sitting on the back porch basically having "vice night" (chocolate, wine, cigars) and listening to a love song radio show with dedications, etc. The DJ just asked folks to call in if someone touches your heart...

MyPoolBoy said he wants to touch my heart - and go under my bra and straight for my boob to get to it.

Or reach his hand through my chest and kill me.


Friday, June 12, 2009

Here's the Skinny

I got some of those diet pills that are supposed to reduce stress in women to help you metabolize and "let go" of unwanted belly fat (like there is any belly fat that I WANTED)... and I'm reading on the box the additional benefits like it controls moodiness (THAT was what made MyPoolBoy jerk it from my hand and fling it directly into our Walmart cart) - anyway - the moodiness thing: it says that you will begin feeling the effects within a few hours.
I must say that I DO feel some sort of an effect. I took 2 pills as directed on the box - then I put on my red & white bikini and got into the pool with a couple of beers. So here I am, 2 pills and 2 Miller Chills later - I am happy to report that these pills work!

Oh, I still have belly fat. I just don't give a shi+.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

T-Shirt Idea

So I've been stuck with nothing to write for a few days, but I keep coming up with all these crazy ideas for t-shirts to wear at the coast (maybe I should stick them on CafePress - if I can remember my account login!)

Here's the latest:
Mullet County Genealogical Society
and then some smart a$$ comment or a really effed up flow chart or non-branching tree

ahhhh, red wine - it's like an enema for writer's block

Saturday, June 06, 2009

On the 6th of June

"It was the dark of the moon on the 6th of June in a Kenworth pullin' logs"


I just sent a text to my dear friends with these lyrics.
It is 8 freakin:30 on the first Saturday morning of our summer.

They're gonna kick my a$$.

However, it is the only song I know that contains the inspirational phrase: "chartreuse microbus" in the lyrics. Good times, good times.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

I Got Carted (or, The custodians have to wax the floors now)

School was out at 12 today.

I got home home after 1. Not because I was working....

Baloney and Bi+chslap found a shopping cart that some well-meaning local merchant donated to us when we were making all the moves to the new building. A tool in the hands of some. A toy in the hands of the Lucilles.

Somehow it was left behind in a room down the old hall. Felix and I got into the basket and Hyphen stood on the end while Baloney and Bi+chslap pushed us around the new hall where all the ramps were. Then the other grade levels and staff heard the noise of us screaming and came out to take a turn, too.

I have to admit it was a bit scary going around the corners because I was facing the handle of the cart and had no idea if we were gonna bite it or not with them steering and laughing and trying not to pee themselves. And I was sober. Definitely puts the fear into if you are actually cognizant of the possible impending death or severe cranial injuries that could literally be around the corner.