Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Assume the Position

So.  I have been musing over the notion of why I am more attracted to lineman than backs.  Because they are bigger and more muscular.  I need someone who can step in front of me and stop any threats to my physical safety that may cross my path.  Or beat the crap out of guys that talk trash about me.  Or beat the crap out of guys that I talk trash about and need someone to bail me out of the messes that my mouth creates.  Plus, they're pretty handy to have around if you need something moved.  That's all they do on the line is move shi+.  It's second nature.  There's that.  And I just really like someone with some flesh on their bones to grab onto, if you catch my drift.  

And:  Linemen are dumb and easier to control.

Saturday, February 20, 2010


MyPoolBoy just told me I aged better than one of his high school ex-girlfriends.  Kind of a nice compliment, I guess. 

AND -- that he really does love me.... sometimes he wants to hit me with a baseball bat, but he loves me. 

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I Have Decided to Write Country Songs

About school. 

It just came to me.  I can't let it go without writing it down, so I cracked up Duckit COMPLETELY before she went to bus duty. Here's the chorus of one:

There's no vodka on this campus, I have looked  
Not in the teachers' lounge,  
On the playground,  
Or behind the library books  

I have to make it day to day, and you expect me not to pray
There's no vodka on this campus...

You get the idea. 

Dessert Menu

I think that they should sell Girl Scout cookies at the bar. 

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Best Part of Being an Adult on Facebook

I don't have a virtual farm, order any virtual mafia hits, or raise virtual fish.  But today I saw a picture of an old junior high crush who did not age well. 

I heart Facebook.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Birthday Invitation

Here's what I sent to the Lucilles the Friday after my birthday:  

I have decided that we need to go somewhere this afternoon and celebrate my birthday.  After being invited to 3 birthday parties this week (none of which were mine) and getting frustrated over my family’s lame idea of a birthday dinner at the gourmet catfish buffet in the ambiance of the fabulously fishing/hunting-cabin decorated Inn in beautiful downtown Mullet TX which, incidentally, has bathrooms down a frigid, stark hall that was not unlike the hallway to the elevators in The Shining, I am taking matters into my own hands.   Let’s just say that the highlight of the evening was walking into the parking lot and seeing somebody’s huge Weimaraner sitting behind the wheel of a ’72 Buick (not to sound ungrateful, but my guys ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO impaired by testosterone!!!!!!!!!!).

 I don’t care where…. Name the time/place and I will be there with my tiara on. 

You have to come… remember, I am the devil.