Friday, September 23, 2005

Another Advertising Rant

I'm no dummy. I can tell when a man is writing what he thinks a woman wants to hear.

The Bounty commercial with the guy making the birthday cake -- well, takes the cake.
FIRST of all, he is holding a puppy. HOLY COW how unsanitary to have this damn dog in the kitchen while you are making my cake. What the hell is wrong with you, you MAN???

SECOND, Mr. Voice thinks that because he is talking all "I'm a white Barry White" that I'm supposed to swoon -- shut up, it's causing me to have an aneurism because my blood pressure is already elevated because you have a dog in my kitchen.

THIRD, OH NO YOU DID NOT JUST WIPE THAT DRY TOWEL OVER THE FROSTING YOU DROPPED ON MY COUNTERTOPS! Get some 409, that's why God invented it. Just spread the sugar mess all over my kitchen so that it gets the sticky all over the countertops and not just where you dropped it. Or maybe you were planning on turning the dog loose on the counter to lick/clean it up.

Apparantly we are supposed to be distracted by the too tight shirt on the guy who is wiping his mess all over the counter -- all that tells me is that the guy screwed up the laundry, too!

Hurricane Rita

Here we are in central Tx and I am surrounded by morons.

Last night, people were waiting in line at a gas station to save 5 cents a gallon on gas -- ok, folks, you have to get 20 gallons to save A DOLLAR! You're probably burning off a dollar's worth of gas just starting/restarting your car to move up in the line!

Now one of our grocery stores is out of bread, water, and eggs. OMG we're all gonna die because we live HUNDREDS of miles away from a storm. What idiots. Let me help -- THIS is a GLOBE...can you say GLOBE? Good. Now see this BIG state? That's Texas. See this star on Texas? That's Austin -- you are on the OTHER side of that star-- see how far the water is from the star? It would have to be a freakin category EIGHTEEN to hit us!

We had a tornado about 10 years ago -- we NEVER lost water and we only lost power for about a day. Why in the name of pete are some 40 mph winds and POSSIBLE thunderstorms turning people into braindamagedroolingdoofuslosers?

Hell, people, Oreos are on sale and NO ONE IS BUYING THOSE!!!!! There's plenty of beer left on the shelves, too! What kind of Texans are you to buy up all the bread and leave the beer????? If this had been an actual emergency, the Lone Star would be gone and women would be selling their first born children for a container of margarita salt.

Nope, no state of emergency, yet.
The local bar was selling 'ritas for 4 bucks each in honor of Rita.
What the hell do you need bread for if you have tequila?