Thursday, May 09, 2013


My students have to endure much of the same relentless sarcasm and offbeat witticisms that y'all do, except they get the G rated versions. When they leave pencils and paper on the floor, I tell them that they can trash a room like rock,stars. If somebody just guesses at an answer and gets it right I tell them that even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while. And when I have to put up with the little cherubs misbehaving beyond all limits of human patience I have a phrase that is a conglomeration of Banned. Camp similes to describe the overtly hyperactive: like a band of howler monkeys hopped up on Pixie Stix and Mountain Dew. So today, for Teacher Appreciation Week I received what is hands-down the BEST FREAKIN' TEACHER GIFT I have EVER received. I laughed to the point of nearly urinating myself. Of course it is hard to tell if the almost-urination episode is truly due to the hysterics from the gift or merely your everyday middle-age incontinence, but I am pretty sure it was the gift.

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