Sunday, August 18, 2013


The alternate title to this post is: Sh1t-MyPoolBoy-won't-buy-me-no-matter-how-much-I-beg-or-what-sexual-favors-I-offer.

Granted, he bought me a pulpit that I turned into a bar thereby securing my spot in H3ll, he built me a beach in the backyard, and he got me a piece of crap convertible BMW that I subsequently painted pink and covered with glitter, rendering it hopelessly undrivable by any male of the species.  But still, a girls has wants and needs....

Of course, he always tries to deflect the little thoughts I get in my head about purchasing something new with the dreaded question:  "What the h3ll would you do with a XYZ.?"  (Where XYZ is the latest pretty that my heart fancies -- did you see how I made that all algebraic and sh1t?). 

First.  A small steamroller that I saw at a pawn shop..  So it was a USED steamroller.  Plus it was a SMALL steamroller.  Like, kid-sized.  Which meant it couldn't have been very expensive.  I got "the question."  I offered the answer that I could use it for playing the home version of the game "pave the roads and sh1t."  I was promptly told NO.  

Also.  I would like to have a cannon.  Not even a BIG cannon, mind you.  And, again with "the question."  Honestly I couldn't come up with a quick snappy comeback and sheepishly shrugged my shoulders and offered up that I just think it would be cool to be able to say that I am the first person on my block to have a cannon in the yard.  I won't even put glitter on it or anything!  His reply:  "You'll put your eye out, kid!"

He is NO FUN.  

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