Saturday, July 09, 2011

Ever Get a Song Stuck in Your Head?

Ok.  So you all know that MyPoolBoy and Felix claim that I am the dumbest smart person they know.  Sometimes I unwittingly oblige their theory by doing something really dumb.  Today’s something really dumb involved cheap-a$$-5-for-a-dollar-knock-off-Superglue and pineapple Smirnoff Ice. 

I know.  That’s a blog waiting to happen. 

I was nonchalantly minding my own business cleaning the pool, doing laundry, checking Facebook, and exfoliating so that I could go tan before the tanning place closed.  I decided that in order to accomplish all my tasks for the day I needed a musical soundtrack provided by my mp3 player.  Which is really not originally my mp3 player but one that I more or less inherited after MyPoolBoy got a new phone that held/played music and I tried to “fix” my old mp3 player after it got stuck on the startup screen when I dropped it on the driveway when I was exiting the Beemer one afternoon and then when I tried to reset it with a pen and the end of the pen was too big and it cracked the case the whole dayum thing got stuck on like volume level 27 which was great in the Beemer with the top down but mass-murder on the ears with earphones.

So.  I got wired up with a good playlist and began to clean the pool.  Then I got wired up some more by cracking open a bottle of pineapple Smirnoff Ice leftover from the 4th of July.  Then I continued merrily along on my to-do list by throwing the sheets in the washer. Halfway into the bottle I get the inkling to give myself a little mini-facial with some Mary Kay mask, so I squeezed a fistful of green goop out of the tube and proceeded to slather it all over my face.  I washed my hands off and was bee-bopping on through the house because 3/4 of the way through the bottle I was freakin’ Stevie Nicks at the Edge of Seventeen with green crap on my face.  Suddenly and without warning, freakin’ Stevie Nicks at the Edge of Seventeen with green crap on my face felt an urgent need to check Facebook.  So I went to the Pink Room and sat down with my mp3 player in my back pocket and the earphone wire stretched across my back and shoulders to log on.  And I about gave myself whiplash because the earphone wire wouldn’t stretch like that and it snapped my neck backwards like I was in a head-on collision at Daytona.  

At this point it was necessary to do 2 things: 1) wash the green crap off of my face and 2) find out why my earphone wire was being so uncooperative.  As soon as my face was freshly cleansed, I used the bright lights of the bathroom to investigate the earphone wire issue.  Tangled.  Like a labyrinthal mass that even Hansel and Gretel couldn’t bread-crumb their way out of.  So I began the tedious task of unknotting the wires.  

I pulled.  I plucked.  I twisted.  I yanked.  

I shouldn’t have yanked.  

I had the wires untangled but I had managed to pull the cap-thingy off of one of the earbuds in the process.  It came off pretty cleanly,  I must say.  And BONUS!  The wires were all still attached.  This will be easy to fix!  

I took my newly untangled earphones to the craft room and sat down with a tube of cheap-a$$-5-for-a-dollar-knock-off-Superglue and the bottom of the bottle of Smirnoff Ice to begin engineering what was foreseeably going to be my greatest repair job of the summer.  After twisting the glue-encrusted top off of the little blue tube with a pair of pliers, I gained access to the magical concoction inside that held promise for me that my summer listening experience was not going to be cut short because of a mere inebriated moment of wire-yanking.  Glue applied deftly to rim of earbud, care taken not to get it on the wires that were soon to be enclosed tightly inside, I congratulated myself for being so clever and for only getting a little drop or two on my fingers.  I held the plastic pieces in place, noting how long it was taking the glue on my fingers to dry before releasing the clamp-down that I had on the earbud.  Dry!  Fixed!  Success! 

I then decided to test and make sure the wires were functioning as they should, so I put the newly repaired earbud into my left ear and heard Captain and Tenille lilting through!  Yea, me!  

However…. when I attempted to REMOVE the newly repaired earbud from my left ear it was GLUED TO MY EAR.  Apparently the instantaneous-stick-yourself-to-a-construction-beam-with-a-drop-of-glue-on-a-hardhat is only instantaneous if you are using REAL SUPERGLUE, not cheap-a$$-5-for-a-dollar-knock-off-Superglue.  Just so you know - cheap-a$$-5-for-a-dollar-knock-off-Superglue may SEEM to be dry on your fingertips, but it is, in fact, not entirely dry if you insert it into your ear canal.  

So I stripped the earbud and the upper epidermal layer from my left ear as I was being lulled with “Love Will Keep Us Together.”  

No, Toni Tenille, my dear.  I beg to differ - cheap-a$$-5-for-a-dollar-knock-off-Superglue will keep us together.

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