Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I’m Pretty Sure My Sister Has Been Abducted by Aliens

So my sister Pepita got married this past weekend. 


There is very little proof. There’s like a whole “is Elvis really dead?” cloud of mystery and hush-hush and conspiracy theory over the whole thing.  It’s like it never really happened, that’s what I think. 

No one I know that she knows (except QueenB) seems to have been there.  In fact one of her Facebook friends posted that she didn’t get invited to the wedding and she’s dealing with it but could Pepita at least post some pictures?  Hello???? – I’m her SISTER and I didn’t get invited.  We got told it was a “small wedding” and I put “wedding” in quotes because it is obvious that “wedding” is alien code for “abduction” and “small” is code for “no witnesses, especially that tall blond one because she gets mouthy and writes a blog.”  

QueenB posted some pictures the next morning but there were only 8 of them and honestly, they all look like the same poses.  Only of Pepita and her betrothed and one other guy who I presume is supposed to be the “minister” which is alien code for “leader.”  And I bet they were Photoshopped because there is not really any background – it’s all dark and mysterious and sh1t.  Like the lunar landing.  

Also, QueenB changed her profile pic to one of Pepita’s daughter in a flower girl dress but it looks all stiff and contrived and I am afraid that it is the BatBoy from Weekly World News in a dress and then someone Photoshopped (or worse yet, TRANSPLANTED) the little one’s head onto it to hide the evidence that she, too has been abducted. 

Bat_Boy (BatBoy - not to scale)

So then Monday night Pepita responds to her FB friend with a message that the pictures are posted.  A whole album.  And she tagged them all.  And FB Friend responds – NO we can’t see them.  To which there is no response from Pepita.  

So yesterday, there was another FB Friend who posted that we were still waiting for pictures.  And still, no response from Pepita.  In fact, besides the minimal “I posted the pictures” claims on Facebook and her last name being changed (presumably to throw us all off the trail), she seems to have been eliminated from the planet altogether.

Before the “wedding,” she was upset because all the wives at Stepford Baptist Church were whispering about her.  What there were whispering was “You’re next.”  

Note: This is a shameless blatant ridiculous attempt to get my sister to post wedding photos.  Any relation to other characters real (BatBoy) or fictitious (Elvis) is merely “coincidental.”  Which we all know is alien code for “conspiracy.” 

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