Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Christmas Is Over

Turned on the radio this morning and the first song on was not a Christmas carol:  

DELTA DAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is an omen to get my Lucille-karaoke voice back in shape.  And my mood can swing back to unfiltered heartless Bi+ch instead of caring giving loving sentimental crying-jag WTP.

NOW I can tell you what happened in the UPS place.  We went to ship gifts to everyone that we weren't supposed to buy gifts for (Rule #1: There are no rules for me), and there were 2 lines.  I got in the first line - why?  Because it was shorter (stupid stupid silly naive me - if the laws of lines at Walmart have taught me nothing, it should at least be that you NEVER get in the shortest line because there will be price checks and coupons and change shortages - I digress), I got into the short line and began to figure out that the girl in front of me with her unboxed stack of gifts, arranged on the counter in front of her as a towering monument to capitalism, has no box to ship in and did not check the website to see which shipping method would be fastest/cheapest.  The fool jerk idiot  a$$hole in a cowboy hat with a Santa hat on top of it - and thought he looked cute, but really he just looked like a moron - who was waiting on her. Anyway CowboyA$$hole is A) going to charge her $7 for a box B) going to charge her $4 more dollars for packing materials and C) tells her that ground service won't get to point X in-state by Christmas, so she better send it air service, which was $60 or $70 something dollars!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW this was crap because I had checked the website and my package was going to make it to Florida to Trainwreck by 7 pm on Christmas Eve.  And I bit my tongue.  HARD- just in case Santa was watching.  Because I figured my odds of making the "Nice List"  were getting slimmer and that it would not behoove me to suddenly burst into accusatory fits of screaming "LIAR!"  at CowboyA$$hole. 

Then I told MyPoolBoy that I was going to call the FedEx place and I would be in the truck.  I went and called information and the little guy at information said that he didn't have a listing for them, I told him that I thought it was under a name with Mail in it and it was on the highway.  He came back with the name and also offered that there was a UPS store in our town also.  I sweetly as h3ll tried to reply that I was at the UPS store and they were pissing me off, so I was trying to get the FedEx place on the phone before the words "in custody" became attached to my name in the local news paper.  He laughed and said, "I'm sorry."  I laughed and told him, "It's not your fault that the guy at UPS is an idiot, hun."  He laughed again and said, "I'm gonna connect you to the mail place - try to have a merry Christmas, ma'am." 

Now, I get ahold of the mail place, and because I live in Mullet County, there is no ground service available in our area.  Crap.  Of course.  So I was stuck with UPS.  I went back in and MyPoolBoy nudges me over to the line that had formed at the back of the store where a very sweet lady was waiting on customers.  YEA!!!!!!!!! Santa brought me a non-moron to wait on me for Christmas!  She weighs our box and smiles and says, "Wow!  This is saying that it will get there by 7 pm on Christmas Eve!"  And I, in my best LOUD no-shi+-Sherlock voice, reply, "Oh, I know.  That's what y'all's website said last night when I checked." and I shot a mega-bi+ch death glare at CowboyA$$hole.   CowboyA$$hole suddenly felt the need to trade spots with the guy who had been working in the back part of the store. 

Yep, holidays are over.  Peace and goodwill - OOOOOHHH Goodwill - let's go thrift store shopping!!!! 

ADHD and PMSly yours,

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