Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Biker Night

First off. WOW. This is post # 666. Woohoo! It's official. I AM the Devil! I am playing a lot of old schlock country music on the jukebox and Thunderduck and the boys are not happy. Too bad. We are in a higher tax bracket than their little boy selves are and I can afford to play the jukebox more than they can.

Also. There is one of those effing Dr. Dumore flossing gadget thingies in the bathroom floor at the front of the bar. Look, people. I am all for personal hygiene. Especially if you are taking the idea of "get a room" to the next level. Good for you. However, if you notice the opposite side of the facility, there is a lovely trash receptacle provided for your convenience. Use it.

So. Last night MyPoolBoy got a text from an old poker buddy wanting us to go to Biker Night at the Laundromat/Bar - So we went. I wore my hooker boots that I bought at the thrift store for 18 bucks. They have officially been dubbed my "Get Off My Corner, Bi+ch" boots. I heart them. And I rode bi+ch.

Anyway. Where was I? Ok. There I was. At the Laundromat/Bar on Biker Night. With a bunch of old bikers. There was chicken and rice in some sort of old biker pot-luck meal thing of which I would have partaken if I had known that its origin, but since it was BIKER NIGHT, I was not taking any chances with my personal safety. Then they had a raffle. The big prize was 50/50 and the smaller prizes were a couple of biker DVDs, about 4 biker pictures, and 2 bottles of Jack. As in Daniel's. I was asked to draw the tickets because (I am not sh1tting you) I quote: "You have the most honest looking face here." Yes. This was from a guy who very obviously, did not know ME.

Ok. Now that you have stopped laughing... I go to draw the tickets and I swear, even though I have read the handwriting of 8-9 year-olds for a living for over a decade, I was completely unable to decipher the handwriting of these old dudes.

So, to sum it up, here's what I learned about myself from this experience. Drunken tasks I CAN do: Pee on fire hydrants. Recite alphabet backwards at ungodly speed. Drunken tasks I CANNOT do: Read drunken biker scrawl on the back of a raffle ticket.

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