Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The State of Texas Owes Me a Big Bottle of Grey Goose

I figure I could just go to the liquor store, grab a bottle off the shelf and tell them to charge it to TEA.

I. Am. Tired.

Locked in a classroom with 16 8-year-olds until 2 pm for 2 days straight. And it is PMS week. Really. You think the state would have asked, "Hey, are you going to be PMSing this week, cuz, if so, we can reschedule the TAKS testing." No.

Also. Not allowed to say anything besides what is in the scripted freakin' "Administrator Manual" to the freakin' kids. And TODAY there was a big-a$$ horsefly in the room. First of all, I don't even know if he had been properly trained with the TAKS trainer modules to even be ALLOWED in the room. He was a big fly. I'm talking Food of the Gods big-s$$ Jeff Goldblum FLY. Let me just let you all know that there is NOTHING in the test administrator manual about how to go about executing a big-a$$ Food of the Gods Jeff Goldblum FLY during the "testing opportunity." Can't whack it with a student booklet cuz it might create an unnecessary mark that could be construed as an answer on the answer document. I was afraid to use the actual Administrator's Manual because what if I needed it later to read the "special phrases" for kids who didn't bubble in all their answers? I also was not sure that a flyswatter was an allowable instrument in the testing environment - the state doesn't issue them with the testing materials, so I was not going to request one -- you know, in case it was not approved by the state and could create a testing "irregularity." I also could not WATCH the big-a$$ Food of the Gods Jeff Goldblum fly because then I would not be "actively monitoring" the students.

Let me just clarify that I did not ALLOW the unauthorized Jeff Goldblum fly into my classroom (aka: the "testing environment") because, you, know he probably just teleported into the room anyway.

So what was I supposed to do? Freakin' unauthorized non-trained Jeff Goldblum was in my room for FOUR FREAKING HOURS and I was PMSing. I needed to kill something, but was in an intense quandary about how to go about it.

See? They need to issue me a voucher to the liquor store with the "secured testing instruments."

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