Sunday, March 01, 2009

It's Like Camp....

So. I am reading my Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills General Test Administrator's Manual and I have decided that it can be included on the list of things that are Freakin Hilarious after an 18 pack (or in my case, 3 glasses of wine from my adult Capri Sun box). Our TAKS-stress release/celebrations need to be scheduled BEFORE TAKS next year because we could sit and drink and read this sumbi+ch the weekend before TAKS and have a grand ol' time!

I, of course, felt obliged to text the rest of my grade level and share this important revelation.

First of all, it is arranged into sections labeled Activity 1, Activity 2, etc. and at first I was all - oh, like centers or stations in class - but then I decided NO it was more like camp activities and our "campus testing coordinators" are supposed to be like the counselors or something. So I am at page 70something and am about to go to the Appendices section. And I'm thinking ok, this is the part of camp where you sneak off behind the mess hall in the woods with that really cute guy you met during Activities time and make out. (MyPoolBoy is on red-alert)

Then I drunk-dialed my stepmother who teaches sped and started reading some stuff to her and DYING laughing about how the #2 pencils would be issued to us by the camp counselors (testing coordinators)... I was all: so, is this so we won't give them a pencil with the multiplication charts on them or something or does the pencil we are being issued have special lead that has been shi+ by lord god king Rick Perry himself? Also, we decided that NO toilet paper can be used during the breaks (which, by the way are NOT mandatory so if we feel like not letting the kids go to the bathroom at any point during the testing day, we have that discretion left to our own sick twisted sense of humor, ooops, I mean judgment). The reason for the no t.p? It could be considered SCRATCH PAPER which is NOT allowed. Also, females administering the TAKS test probably should be issued duct tape to tape down our breasts because if you are an A cup that could be construed as answer choice A for some of the questions. If you are a B cup you are giving away all the answer B choices, etc. We don't know what they would do for the male teachers. HOWEVER, we could all stuff our bras with the unusable toilet paper so that we will be the same size across the state.

Anyway, she tells me how they have this kid who is considered ED (emotionally disturbed) because he whips it out at inappropriate times (read: constantly). So then MyPoolBoy says: he can't do that because it would be considered a measurement device that is not standardized like the state-issued mathematics chart. BUT! If you classify it as a MANIPULATIVE (since it is something that he uses regularly in class) then it will be an allowable accommodation!

Oh, and the manual says that we may not instruct the students to speed up or slow down while they are taking the test but it says absolutely nothing about KICKING them to make them speed up or slow down.

Alright - I made it to the Appendices section. I'm gonna finish this and go to bed.

Edited to add: I was gonna email this post to the Lucilles but that dayum squiggly word captcha thing came up and do you know how absolutley CRUEL it is to do that to a drunk person?

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