Thursday, July 08, 2010

Navels and Nasals

So. Another Felix and WTP bonding moment. Got my navel pierced today. Felix got her nose pierced. Of course we had to be together to do it because we are like middle school cheerleaders when it comes to defacing our temples (bodies) and we can't do anything by ourselves like big girls. MyPoolBoy and her niece (whose boyfriend owns a bar - this is important for later) came along with her little boy, HomeSkillet, for the free laughs. We had to lay back on a weight bench during the process (literally, it was a weight bench) and I was thinking, hmmmmm.... this is what it feels like to be a popular high school cheerleader.....

Anyway. She swung her feet while the guy was doing it - the PIERCING gutterbrains - (mostly because she is short and her feet don't reach the floor from the bench that she was laying on) so it ended up looking like someone had rolled a really cute Oompa Loompa turtle on its back and it couldn't get off its shell in order to set itself aright and resume the regularly scheduled Oompa Loompa turtle programming. And when he actually DID pierce her nose she started to tear up and there was blood and so she asked for a kleenex. And then, while the blood ran down the little canyon beside her diamond-doodad thingy, Felix took the kleenex and dried her eyes so that her mascara wouldn't run! Priorities. We have to be pretty first.

Then, she kept making me laugh and I was worried that the guy would miss and I would be all crookedly-navel-pierced or pierced in an ovary or my appendix or something and then be scarred physically and emotionally for the rest of my natural born life because of it. And there was NO VODKA so it wouldn't have even been funny at the time.

When we went to pay out we noticed the "cash-only" sign and Felix was standing there, credit card in hand and trying to devise a plan for how to obtain cash to pay for everything without risking a repossession of her new nasal embellishment or risking charges from the vice squad for questionable "business negotiations." So MyPoolBoy paid for them both and reminded us that I hadn't paid Felix for the rest of my beach trip, so we'd put the cost of the piercing towards the cost of the beach trip. And THAT transaction - trading a piercing for a vacation deposit - is a wildly white-trash moment of which I am exceedingly proud, I must say.

At this point, HomeSkillet tugged his mom's sleeve and handtogawd in front of the tattoo artist/piercing guy asked, "Mom, are we going to the bar after this?"

Fits of laughter. And just when we were thinking that it couldn't get any more white trash than getting piercings together and having the cost be bartered between friends, Felix's niece decides to join in on the fun and get a Marilyn Monroe piercing above her lip. She asked the guy what they did it with, meaning which studs did she have to choose from - but he was already sinking to our level and he told her "a rusty nail." More fits of laughter.

So she got done and left and texted Felix because she forgot what her aftercare instructions were. Felix and I completely relished the opportunity to relay this message:
1) get a soft drink with some ice in it and move the ice around by her upper lip to help reduce swelling
2) Rinse the area with Listerine after eating or drinking
3) no wine or BEER because of the yeast!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! I said that would kill her - like a castration of sorts - but h3ll, it would be better than getting a yeast infection in your upper lip, right? And I used the opportunity to clarify with the guy that I could still have all the beer and wine that I wanted.
4) the stud could be replaced with a new one in two weeks
5) No French kissing or other "oral activities" for 6 weeks HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then Felix and me both said that would kill her boyfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!

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