Ok, I really finally had a breakthrough at school yesterday after my observation. I am still trying to do all this guided reading shi+ and I feel like my kids are not progressing the way they would if I were teaching the way I normally teach. I am known for getting kids that read on Pre-Primer level who are bilingual to be reading on 3rd grade level by the end of the year. I think this whole guided reading thing that was thrust upon us made me feel like admin was saying that it wasn't good enough. Anyway, yesterday after my observation I felt like it went well - the management part of it anyway -- I'm pretty sure the groups went the way that the book suggests, but it FELT bad. Like I was cheating the kids. Oh, sure, I had planned meaningful lessons and had all the materials ready and I was checking on each group, but honestly, I have 3 kids who technically failed 2nd grade and who read at K-1 level who really DON'T need to be reading a K-1 level story silently and having me come discuss it with them for 5 minutes. They are not going to be pushed enough to get onto grade level that way! It is wrong and I know it with all my heart! I know that the ideas in the book are good ones. I sort of do some of them, just not in the "workshop" form. It just doesn't work with NCLB and Texas TEKS/TAKS. It takes a week to go through a TAKS paper that used to take an hour. AND half the kids don't finish it because it is "chopped up" due to the rotations. AND it takes forever to get them all finished/turned in/whatever to grade them. I really miss having the kids grade their own papers because they can see their own mistakes.
Anyway, last night I sat outside Chunk's football practice and just cried. I think part of it was guilt that I wasn't doing a good job, part was frustration at myself for letting admin tell me I wasn't good enough and believing it, part of it was relief -- I won't be spending endless hours planning "busy work" anymore! What are they going to do? Fire me? If they do I've got a back-up plan to write my resources and publish them -- and I have more than just Look-Up Language this year!
Sooooo I listened to Joyce Meyer this morning and clicked on the one about loving yourself (How Flylaydy!). As I listened she started talking about your gifts and not trying to be something your not, but honing what you DO have. That sealed it. I am NOT a guided reading teacher. I AM a good teacher in my own way. That's good enough for God because that's the gift he gave me, so that's what I will be. Maybe I can do the rotations on Fridays only or after TAKS but NOT NOW while I have kids who need ME, not Fountas and Pinnell.
Ok, it's time to get ready for school -
Good, Lawrd my weight - ate some Reese's yesterday because I was starving and frustrated when I got home from school. Then had pizza for dinner at Lurch's football game - what an anniversary dinner - MyPoolBoy was in the pressbox running the clock!
BTW - Lurch had an awesome game - he played both ways and only came off the field for the kick-off return the second half. Boy, was he tired when he got home! No pix, though, the camera's batteries were dead, darnit. Maybe I can download some from the sports photos website.
No comments:
Post a Comment