The White Trash Princess Kit

Here are the items in my WTP kit:
Notice that these items are beautifully displayed on the pink cheetah print blankie that MyPoolBoy bought me for Christmas. The WTP is very loved.

Pink crocodile purse - We are to assume this is fake crocodile since pink is not a color that crocodiles tend to appear to us in nature and therefore can be considered to be animal-cruelty-free. The WTP is nothing if not kind to animals! The only way this could be any better is if it were silver and shaped/decorated to resemble an Airstream travel trailer! Ooooh! Project!

Pink shades - alas these are not rhinestone cateye pink shades. I had a pair that I bought on 6th Street in Austin, but they were an unfortunate casualty in the infamous drunken "Jose, don't leave me!" float trip. I do enjoy telling people that I bought them in the toy section of Walmart, thus celebrating the amazingly tiny proportion of my face/head.
NOTE TO MY READERS AND FRIENDS: If you really feel you MUST bestow upon me another gift of WTPdom, please consider buying me a set of gen-u-wine rhinestone cateye pink shades. I will be your friend for at least 47 minutes afterwards! Here is a link to see what I'm talking about. I actually would like to see if I could get some that were a little hotter pink and in a small size - due to the aforementioned freakishly small size of my head & face.

Travel-sized Tiara - of "Tiara Table" fame. Felix and I bought these on a drunken spree from RBar to the Walmart bridal department one night - none of the guys would take us: Hence the standing joke among us that if you take a white woman to Walmart it constitutes a commitment that none of them are man enough to handle. This handy little item is especially useful at RBar: when I put it on, it signals to the bartender that I need another Princess martini!

Pink flamingo earrings - a gift from a former student who truly understands me. I have, however, come to feel of late that I need to replace these with Elvis dangly earrings since I have a tiny little pink flamingo in the kit already. (You really must check out this link: these sumbi+ches are made from bottle caps!)

Speaking of the tiny little pink flamingo - this is the 2nd one I have had in the kit. I had one of those kind that you put in water and it is supposed to grow (although 20 minutes in cold water in an emptied Princess martini glass at RBar apparently is not long enough, but h3ll, I threw the directions away!) Anyway, it was replaced after one attempted use because DrunkenFelix tore the legs off of it like a bi+ch, so it went into permanent retirement - no, there is no Florida for flamingos when THEY retire, they just get chunked in the trash. Although....it would be kinda fun to show folks that I am the proud owner of a tiny little pink parapalegic flamingo!

Charm bracelet of various drinks - so that when I am too drunk to order for myself I can just point to the one that I want and continue to imbibe!

Precious little pink bag with a $1 Dollar General pink feather boa - Admittedly, there probably is a naked chicken out there somewhere because of my wanton lust for WTP regalia. I like to think that the chicken who gave of his/her feathers is reunited posthumously at the table at RBar when I order chicken strips or chicken tacos. See? Life comes full circle.

Sparkly pink lipstick case - included inside is a hot pink chapstick that is garish at best - and whorish at worst. I love it. Shut up.

One final item that I feel is amiss - Some leopard print gloves. I have yet to find the perfect pair, because they will need to be thinsulate or cotton . Remember they will be crammed in with all the other crap in the WTP kit! And looking for a pair on the web is a hoot! You get everything from leopard print dishwashing gloves to golf gloves to downright porno-style opera-length lingerie gloves!