Friday, September 21, 2007

Honk and Screech and Pole Dancing

I know that means nothing to most of you, but I just wanted to say HI to the FrenchTickler and thanks for the mood ring! It is in the pouch with my tiara!

Anyhoo we were at *the restaurant where I am not allowed to yell the F-word anymore* and we had a good time but a miserable time cuz we were upstairs on the upper deck and at 5pm we moved to the lower deck and they would not let us take the food that we ordered on the upper deck down to the lower deck (some lame-a$$ excuse about not having glass downstairs was the first reason - which we all shot down with "why are there glass beer bottles and salt shakers and candle holders then?") Then I think we were labeled as troublemakers and we scared off waitress #1. Well, MyPoolBoy got REALLY pissed when he went to leave to pick up Lurch from football practice because they said that it would cost 10 bucks to get back IN cuz the band was SUPPOSED to be playing at that point and there was a cover charge for the lower deck. By the time he got back the band was STILL not playing so he got back in, but it was tense/ugly for a while and then right before we left, they were gonna make us pay the 10 bucks to STAY AT THE TABLE THAT WE HAD BEEN AT FOR 3 HOURS ALREADY and DrunkenFelix called the manager over and let him have a little piece of her mind, also.

ok - rant over - on the up side, the ladies room on the lower deck has a big pole in the way RIGHT when you walk in the door, so our new code for going potty is now that we are going to Pole Dance.

Oh, and today was the "dog trial" (Yes, this is how our public justice system is at work in Mullet County) MyPoolBoy got to be a witness for the defense testifying that the only time we ever heard the dog barking was when the old man blew his air horn at it.

Also - I think I may have developed myself a new little sobriety test
Level 1: Still fairly sober - you have enough control of your thigh muscles to hover over the potty so that you don't catch an STD from a public toilet.
Level 2: Mildly intoxicated - you're a bit woozy so you decide to put toilet paper on the seat in case you can't hover as well as you initially anticipated.
Level 3: Pretty much drunk - the h3ll with it - you just plunk right onto the seat, cuz there can't be too much there that wasn't there before, and you're just grateful that you didn't fall all the way in or mistakenly go in the men's room.
Level 4: Wasted - You wake up in the floorboard of DrunkenFelix's car as she is driving you to Walmart and asking you what size underwear you wear cuz you need a change and she is going to buy you some new ones.

Edited to add: Lurch just read this. He asked me if Level 4 was actually true. My children really do think the worst of me. BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!

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