Sweet Potato Queens / Lucilles

Oh lord, have I ever found my psychic twin! After reading a couple of southern humor books from the library I discovered one called "The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love" by Jill Conner Browne. I now know that I am not the only tiara-coveting, cat-eye-rhinetone-sunglasses-sporting, prom-dress-at-a-meeting-wearing, silly-drunk-and-too-loud-with-all-your-girlfriends woman out there. In fact, this book actually came out in 1999 (the year I graduated college) -- so I had been the "Technology Princess" for a couple of years, thus proving that my twin was out there writing a book and living here in TheSticks I never even knew it! So, I read through the book and I thought she had been spying on me and my friends (the Lucilles) because, by golly, no one can get bawdy and debaucherous the way we can! Anyway -- I really have resolved that I am not going to let MyPoolBoy get me down any longer. In fact, I confronted him today and told him that he was too negative and it was getting to me. He actually listened and apologized -- we'll see..... Ok, so here's the deal: I am going to write the quotes from the book that struck a chord in me the most so that I can review them every so often. I also need to get ahold of my own copy of the book as well as the sequels. There's even some CDs by Kacey Jones that have songs like "Never Wear Panties to a Party" and "You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly". I had to laugh really hard. I've set up links on my Yahoo Bookmarks and will probably post them here somewhere.

Ok - so in the intro I really laughed at or related to:
1 The fact that she declared herself queen (like I declared myself the Princess)

2 The instance where they bought ball gowns at Goodwill and wore them in the parade (me and some of the Lucilles wore prom dresses to a faculty meeting right before homecoming one year, complete with tiaras and toilet-paper sashes emblazoned with slogans like "ARD Queen" "Technology Princess", etc.)

3 The quote from Delta Burke/Suzanne Sugarbaker in "Designing Women": "There's just nothing better in life than to ride around on the back of a convertible with a crown on your head." And Browne follows it with "Words to live by." Well said.

4 Her spiel on the Miss America pageant and that the scholarship part is crap. She acknowledges that everyone just wants that crown - "Call the thing a beauty pageant, and be done with it."

5 I can do "the wave" too!

6 Laughed at the chunking of sweet potatoes from the float and the story of her softball champ friend being a little too zealous at her chunking. (My Lucille friend MrsRodney fits this description!)

7 Browne acknowledges that many of women's day to day activities and organizations are thankless.

8 The only reason she was never a Golden Girl of Alcorn State was that she was not born black. "It's a bitch, but there you are." Adding that "Brown fat just does not look as bad as white fat." And then goes on to compare it to a pork chop: when raw and white it is globby and unappealing, fried it is brown and golden -- I need to tan, see?

9 The discussion about Real Live Majorette Boots had me hooting. First of all, I had majorette boots - not the kind the SPQs wear, but I was a majorette, so there you go. BUT Her Royal Highness's advice for those who did not is good advice for anything in life (and why I think I started wearing tiaras in the first place). Pretty much she chides you that if you grew up wishing that you had a pair of those boots to dress up in as a child you shouldn't whine over it NOW: "Hell, you're full- grown now. If you don't have Real Live Majorette Boots at this stage in your life, it's our own g*d* fault. Quit whining about it and go get some!"

10 Calling the kids "Tater Tots" was pretty funny. My friend Tammy (her REAL name, not her SPQ name) in high school and I called each other taters. When we graduated and got married and had kids we called them "Tater Tots!"

11 Their hangout, Hal & Mal's is a must-see for me the next time I am in the vicinity -- I am dying to see the Elvis shrine in the men's room! I figure H&M must be their version of the R-Bar -- I wonder if they've ever been locked in?

SO I have decided that the Lucilles are SPQs of a sort (and my stepmother is an honorary Lucille -- she personally bought me my high-heel acrylic hooker-looking "Bingo" shoes). There is a place on the SPQ website to start your own chapter. We would definitely qualify.